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I'm a put on a show kind of girl.
Don't like the back seat, gotta be first.
This journal may contain adult concepts.
Created on 2004-06-13 15:08:00 (#3469096), last updated 2009-11-26
3,916 comments received, 10,153 comments posted
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834 Journal Entries, 68 Tags, 15 Memories, 300+ ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 39 Userpics
| Name: | Jessica |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 11-26 |
| Location: | Texas, United States |
| Website: |
I am a being that is constantly changing, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worst. I tend to think of myself as an open and honest person that gives too much of herself and expects little to nothing in return. I am always looking for new friends. I'm a single mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I work full time for a non profit organization that works with developmentally disabled children. I am a student going after a psychology degree and I am a widow. I don't let that define me, and I live my life to the fullest. We travel a lot and I complain somtimes but that's who I am in a nutshell.
There you are, exhausted from a night of crying, curled up on the couch,
the floor, at the foot of the bed, anywhere you fall you fall down crying,
half amazed at what the body is capable of, not believing you can cry
anymore. And there they are, his socks, his shirt, your underwear
and your winter gloves, all in a loose pile next to the bathroom door,
and you fall down again. Someday, years from now, things will be
different, the house clean for once, everything in its place, windows
shining, sun coming in easily now, sliding across the high shine of wax
on the wood floor. You'll be peeling an orange or watching a bird
spring from the edge of the rooftop next door, noticing how,
for an instant, its body is stopped on the air, only a moment before
gathering the will to fly into the ruff at its wings and then doing it:
flying. You'll be reading, and for a moment there will be a word
you don't understand, a simple word like now or what or is
and you'll ponder over it like a child discovering language.
Is you'll say over and over until it begins to make sense, and that's
when you'll say it, for the first time, out loud: He's dead. He's not
coming back. And it will be the first time you believe it.
I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
~ee cummings

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There you are, exhausted from a night of crying, curled up on the couch,
the floor, at the foot of the bed, anywhere you fall you fall down crying,
half amazed at what the body is capable of, not believing you can cry
anymore. And there they are, his socks, his shirt, your underwear
and your winter gloves, all in a loose pile next to the bathroom door,
and you fall down again. Someday, years from now, things will be
different, the house clean for once, everything in its place, windows
shining, sun coming in easily now, sliding across the high shine of wax
on the wood floor. You'll be peeling an orange or watching a bird
spring from the edge of the rooftop next door, noticing how,
for an instant, its body is stopped on the air, only a moment before
gathering the will to fly into the ruff at its wings and then doing it:
flying. You'll be reading, and for a moment there will be a word
you don't understand, a simple word like now or what or is
and you'll ponder over it like a child discovering language.
Is you'll say over and over until it begins to make sense, and that's
when you'll say it, for the first time, out loud: He's dead. He's not
coming back. And it will be the first time you believe it.
I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
~ee cummings
| butterflies are love | |||||
| brought to you by the isLove Generator | |||||

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Interests (148):
♪, aerosmith, america, angel of music, angelina jolie, babies, bath & body works, beaches, being held, being silly, birth, books, bookstores, bookworm, britney spears, brown eyes, brunette, butterflies, caffeine, cakes, candles, caressing, cats, chapstick, chatting, cheesecake, children, chocolate, christmas, classical music, classical piano, clothes, coffee, counselling, disney movies, dr. pepper lipsmackers, dressing up, drinking, dvds, elf, eyeliner, family guy, fantasy, final fantasy, finding nemo, fireworks, fishing, flip flops, food, friends, fun, futurama, green eyes, harrison ford, harry potter, hearts, hugs, ice cream, italy, j k rowling, jazz, jennifer weiner, jk rowling, john williams, kiddos, kisses, kissing, kneazles, late nights, laughing, lightning, lingerie, listening to music, livejournal, long walks, lord of the rings, loss, love, lyrics, marching band, margaritas, marriage, medical, meeting new people, milkshakes, mountains, movies, mugglenet, music, musicals, neopets, old navy, olive garden, pajama pants, pep band, perfume, phantom of the opera, photography, piano, pictures, pillows, pink, psychology, puppies, rain, reading, relaxing, republican, romance, rome, ronald reagan, roses, scented candles, sex, shopping, singing, sleeping, sleeping in, snow, soft sweaters, star gazing, star wars, stars, storms, stuffed animals, sunsets, sweaters, symphonic band, talking, text messaging, the beatles, the mountains, the ocean, the office, thinking, thunder, thunderstorms, tom hank's movies, touching, tqc, travelling, victoria's secret, wal-mart, watching movies, weather, wind ensemble, woodwinds, ♥
Schools:
Channelview High School - Channelview, TX (1995 - 1999)
Friends [View Entries]absnthallur, agateway, ambious_fate, astormatsea, ateenwriter, babydiego, babyslime, bellaswan, bluegrrl314, casettes, chex, dear_jellybean, disintegration, drkvctry, estherchaya, fitfool, geeenah, goop, grandemochafrap, grov, harmnotourqueen, hearts_erised, imadinowhore, janey, jazzsaxgod, kathleenbarbie, lepetitsoldier, limberwolf, magickmama, mandapants74, maskedcowboy, maylowknee, moca_cam, monkeychildren, muckymuckerson, ohstarbuck, overtheedge916, photogfrog, pixiesized, polyemtgirl, quickdriveover, s2thef, saca_puntas, sandandsilk, sarakenobi, saxomofo, sexliessecrets, shoefleesims, shyloh, silja, silly_bella, skatured, sometimescrazy, sonsah, suicidekitty911, sup_internets, technocratic, the_julie, theelusivemolly, thegivingbee, tothethirdbar
absnthallur, agateway, ambious_fate, astormatsea, ateenwriter, babydiego, bellaswan, bluegrrl314, casettes, chex, dear_jellybean, disintegration, drkvctry, estherchaya, fitfool, geeenah, goop, grandemochafrap, grov, harmnotourqueen, hearts_erised, imadinowhore, janey, jazzsaxgod, lepetitsoldier, limberwolf, magickmama, mandapants74, maskedcowboy, maylowknee, moca_cam, monkeychildren, muckymuckerson, ohstarbuck, overtheedge916, photogfrog, pixiesized, polyemtgirl, quickdriveover, s2thef, saca_puntas, sandandsilk, sarakenobi, saxomofo, sexliessecrets, shyloh, silja, silly_bella, skatured, sometimescrazy, sonsah, suicidekitty911, sup_internets, technocratic, the_julie, theelusivemolly, thegivingbee, tothethirdbar
Communities [View Entries]1bruce1, absltlyfntstc, aspecialparent, athemovies, babyrodgers, bd_nocockblock, bella_sol, btmoftheocean, buy_n_large, cat_macros, celinedionelite, chambrofsekrits, daysofourlives, dear_stupid, fertilityissues, funnyunsntletrs, gaming_twats, heartslikewhoa, heroes, house_md, houseicons, houstonastros, iheartgran, ivorylayouts, jodi_picoult, l_o_v_e_icons, law_n_order_svu, lost_theories, lost_tv, lost_twats, lostelite, minimalicons, ohnotheydidnt, ontd_fiends, ontd_twatlight, paidmembers, parent_drama, parenting101, pariscarriage07, phantom_icons, prego_drama, problem_atic, rent_icons, reparteeparty, sarasicons, speakfreak, stupid_free, stupid_ljsecret, teamblair_col, teamloveshield, thequestionclub, tqc_babies, tqc_cats, tqc_drama, tqc_sims, tqc_updates, tudor_villa, tw_lovesecret, twat_bookclub, twat_fighters, twat_sales, twat_secret, twatfax_today, uglybetty, unbelievablemom, unplottables, useless_facts, vaginapagina, welosecontrol
1bruce1, absltlyfntstc, aspecialparent, athemovies, babyrodgers, bella_sol, buy_n_large, celinedionelite, chambrofsekrits, daysofourlives, fertilityissues, funnyunsntletrs, gaming_twats, harryp_spoilers, heartslikewhoa, heroes, house_md, houseicons, houstonastros, iheartgran, ivorylayouts, jodi_picoult, l_o_v_e_icons, law_n_order_svu, limelightorg, lost_theories, lost_tv, lost_twats, minimalicons, neopianrants, ohnotheydidnt, ontd_discussion, ontd_fiends, ontd_twatlight, paidmembers, parent_drama, parenting101, pariscarriage07, phantom_icons, prego_drama, problem_atic, read_hp, rent_icons, reparteeparty, sarasicons, speakfreak, stupid_free, stupid_ljsecret, teamblair_col, teamloveshield, thequestionclub, tqc_anon, tqc_babies, tqc_cats, tqc_drama, tqc_sims, tqc_updates, twat_bookclub, twat_fighters, twat_sales, twat_secret, twatfax_today, unbelievablemom, unplottables, vaginapagina, welosecontrol, wtf_inc, wwfree, young_widows
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